


Coming Home and Coming Out

by BeautifulWisdom



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/F, Female Harry Styles/Female Louis Tomlinson, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I feel like I do need to tag it, Internalized Homophobia, Liam Payne - Freeform, Pet Adoption, Sappy, however I feel like it's not very explicit, it's mainly angst about coming out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:00:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27781891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulWisdom/pseuds/BeautifulWisdom
Summary: Louise brings Harry home with her for the holidays. Her mum brings her old male friend to try and set them up. The problem: Harry is Louise's girlfriend of two years and her mum doesn't know she's a lesbian.The result: Lots of laughter and tears and confessions and love and Christmas feelings, a dog and a very important question.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 58
Collections: 1D Christmas Fest 2020





	Coming Home and Coming Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> First of: trigger warnings! In the first paragraph is a mention of excercising due to feeling unhappy with one's body shape. It's a very short mention but if you feel uncomfortable reading about that simply skip the first paragraph and then you should be fine for the rest of the fic.
> 
> I also tagged internalised homophobia. I don't feel like this is very explicit, however, I do think it's something that always is part of the fear of coming out. There is also the description of a panic attack. 
> 
> If that's something that might trigger you then please do opt out of this fic. Your mental health should always take precedence.
> 
> Quick warning: I am not a native English speaker and didn't have anyone beta this. Feel free to point out all the mistakes in the comments o on tumblr though and I'll do my best to correct them.
> 
> The biggest thank you goes to [Chloe](https://1dchristmasfest.tumblr.com/). This is such a brilliant fic fest and I can't wait to read the other fics. So make sure to check them out too!
> 
> Also thank you to whoever submitted my prompt. I know this probably isn't quite what you had in mind but I hope you enjoy reading it anyway and I'd love it if you said hi either here or on tumblr and tell me what you think!
> 
> Now, after that incredibly long author's note ( I hope you haven't lost the motivation to read the actual story. I think it's a good one.) have fun (I hope) reading this and I'd be very grateful for kudos and comments!!

It was cold in their draughty staircase and it smelled faintly like cigarettes. As if someone had left the door open as they smoked under the awning of the entrance to hide from the cold November wind. Louise was only halfway up to their flat on the 4th floor and felt out of breath. She should exercise more. Or rather, at all. She always said jokingly, walking up and down those stairs every day would be enough sport for anyone. But the truth was she just wasn’t motivated. She felt good about her body the way it was (mostly) which had been Liam’s motivation in the beginning and she certainly didn’t think it _felt good_ to get a stronger connection to her body and made her feel _zen_ like Harry always said she felt after doing her yoga sessions. She went with her once but all that slow talking and barely moving made her feel really antsy and bad and like she wanted to jump out of her skin. After about ten minutes she had given up and sat on the side. Watching Harry do yoga had been much more entertaining. (It hadn’t been quite as good as the really hot locker room sex they had had after the end of the session when everyone had left though.)  
  
Reminiscing about that particular incident had left her horny by the time she reached their door. She always got a good feeling in her stomach when she saw their names side by side next to the doorbell. _Styles and Tomlinson._ They had been together five months when they moved in together and that had been the best decision Louise had ever made. Well, maybe after sitting down across from Harry in the coffee shop around the corner that they still frequented regularly and that had played a major part in their decision to take this particular flat. That first meeting had been nearly two years ago now.  
  
When she opened the door, Louise was greeted by the smell of the cinnamon scented candles Harry loved and that she hated. She went into their living room where Harry was sitting on the sofa watching a rerun of _Country House Rescue_ with a cup of tea in her hand.  
  
“Hey Lou,” Harry turned around to flash her a brilliant smile. “Look at that. This is where I want to get married.”  
  
“What?” Louise leaned down to give her a kiss.  
  
“Pentillie Castle. It’s beautiful and I already looked it up. It’s still up and running.”  
  
“Well, in that case we better set the date soon.”  
  
“You sure you mean that? You’d have to come out to your family for that. If you want them to be there for our big day.” Louise’s face fell. She knew eventually this had been bound to come up again, she had simply hoped it was still further in the future.  
  
Harry immediately realised her mistake. “Oh. Oh, no, Lou. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I was only joking around. You know I don’t care and that I’d never pressure you, don’t you?” She jumped off the couch and walked up to Louise, trying to take her hands.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, sure.” Louise tried a smile but from the look on Harry’s face she could tell that she failed to make it look convincing. She felt really hot all of a sudden and not the good kind it had been before this conversation had started. “Let me just hang up my coat, grab a cuppa and then you can show me Pentillie.” She pressed a quick kiss to Harry’s cheek and left the room. She could only barely hold back the tears threatening to spill down her face by blinking frantically.

She managed to pull herself together with the routine of her motions. Putting her coat on the hanger next to the door (hers blue, Harry’s green), she thought about how they had painted them together one sweltering summer evening. There were three more in red, yellow, and grey. All the colours were soft pastel. _“Look, this blue is exactly the shade of your eyes, Lou! This one’s gonna be yours.”_ Naturally, the green one became Harry’s after that. Louise loved how everything had its place in their life, how well everything had come together, how they had come together. How they had become home.

Everything was perfect. Everything was perfect if only it wasn’t for that one small detail. That Louise hadn’t (despite the confidence she always put on) had the guts yet to come out to her family. This meant that while she had met Harry’s family, Harry hadn’t met hers. And while Harry’s mum always asked after Louise on the phone, Louise’s mum always asked if there was a boy in her life, she wanted to tell her about, always hinting at how excited she would be to become a grandmother. _Not yet, of course, Loulou, I don’t want to rush you with that kind of thing but eventually…_ Louise wasn’t even sure if she wanted kids, let alone, you know, be the one who birthed them. She hated the idea of being pregnant and thanked God every day that getting pregnant wasn’t something she had to worry about in her sex life. But that was a whole other topic.

The click of the kettle signalling her that the water was boiling snapped her out of her heavy thoughts. When she returned to the living room Harry had turned off the TV and was evidently waiting for her. She let out a deep sigh.

“Come here, love. Sit in my lap for a moment, yeah?” Louise complied and sat down with her ass and her feet on either side of Harry’s legs, leaning her head against her shoulder. She felt vulnerable and wanted to hide her face.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no. You don’t apologise, Lou. This is something that’s important to you and, therefore, it’s important for me, too!” Harry hugged her tightly to emphasise her words. “I know we talked about this before but anytime you need to hear it again you come to me. Because you are valid even without having come out and you are very, very loved by many, many people and you are a wonderful person and coming out is something that is very difficult and emotional and it’s completely understandable if you don’t feel ready yet. That is not something you have to justify to anyone ever. I don’t care about that. I only care about you and what is best for you. If you don’t feel ready yet, I support you. Should you one day be ready I will still support you. And I will still love and support you if you never come out to your family, all right?”

Louise tried to discreetly wipe away her tears, but Harry immediately noticed.

“I love you, darling.” She pressed a kiss to her lips.

“I love you, too.” Through her tears and snot, it wasn’t very understandable. But Harry seemed to know what she wanted to say and kissed her back passionately. Her thumbs wiped her still rolling tears away and then Louise was losing her balance and tipping backwards, taking Harry down with her until they were both lying on the sofa, Harry half on top of her.

It was starting to become a fully blown out make-out session until they both had to draw back a bit to catch their breath. Harry slipped her hand under her sweater and started to stroke over her stomach and up her breasts, drawing senseless patterns.

“I love that you don’t wear bras. Makes it easier access.” Louise let out a snorting honk of laughter and then they were both giggling about nothing and everything. When they finally calmed down, they were both red in the face and slightly out of breath.

Harry looked at Louise contemplatively. Louise smiled. “You’re the best thing that could have possibly happened to me and I don’t think you understand how much I truly love you. And I do want to get married to you some day in a ridiculous castle with all our friends and family there with us.”

Harry just looked at her and then said quietly: “I do, too, love. I do.” And then she shoved Louise’s shirt and top up and over her breast and started kissing her way up from her navel, leaving spit and little bitemarks in her wake that left Louise breathless and wanting for more. Just as Harry wanted to switch from her left breast to her right, she couldn’t stand it any longer and pulled her up to bring their lips together. Harry’s were soft, wet, plush, and fit perfectly against hers. She was getting greedy and pulled Harry closer to her with her legs, rubbed her nipples against her blouse that sadly wasn’t giving her much friction and then she made the mistake to try and turn them over. Harry let out a frightened squeak as they fell from the couch. The next moment they were dissolving into laughter again. In that moment Louise knew with absolute certainty, as long as they had each other everything would be fine.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Everything wouldn’t be fine, and she told Liam as much the next day when they met up for lunch.

“I need to do something about it, Li. This isn't fair on Harry. Or on me.”

Liam rolled his eyes. They had had this conversation about three times since they had sat down.

“Louise, seriously. Harry loves you, right?”

“Yes.” Louise looked up at him expectedly, the piece of meat she had picked up hanging on her fork halfway up her mouth in suspension.

“She never said she needs you to come out, right?” Louise rolled her eyes and dropped her fork back on her plate, managing to splash sauce on her white shirt.

“ _Shit._ ” She tried frantically to get rid of the stain with her napkin, only managing to make it worse. When she realised this, she looked back up at her best friend. “Liam, the thing is. That’s not the problem.”

“Well, tell me what the problem is, then. Because we’ve been talking in circles the past hour.”

“The thing is I want to do it for me. I really, really do, but I’m scared shitless. I've wanted to do it for ages now. Always started to say something and then never made it. The stupidest thing is that I know it wouldn't be badly received. I know they all love me and will continue to love me no matter what my sexual orientation is. They just. Don't know.”

“Okay. So, what do you want to do about it?”

“I don’t know, Li.” She felt sick all of a sudden and pushed her plate away from her.

“What do you need? Do you want me to talk you out of it?”

“You couldn’t talk me out of anything I really wanted even if you really wanted to,” Louise said with a laugh.

“Do you want me to encourage you, then?” Liam had his most earnest face on.

“No. No, I don’t think you need to do that. I’ll do it this Christmas.”

“Are you sure? No one is pressuring you and even if you should decide against it in the last second no one will blame you for it. Just remember that.”

“I know. Thanks for always being there for me, Li. I really appreciate it.”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

It was two weeks later while they were decorating their Christmas tree and drinking punch with their favourite Christmas playlist from Spotify on replay that Harry’s mum called. They were already a tiny bit tipsy and so Louise accidently dropped a Christmas ball in her hurry to turn the music down while Harry scrambled for her phone. The sound of the glass hitting the floor made Louise sad. Every year one of them dropped something. Louise had given up hope that they wouldn’t and instead hoped that it wasn’t one with any emotional value to them, like the ones Ernie and Doris had painted and gifted her last Christmas. Thankfully, it was just one of the plain, cheap, space-filler ones.

“Hi Mum.” Harry had an ecstatic grin on her face. The fact that they were both such family-oriented people was one of the many reasons why they fit together so well.

“Say hi from me please. HI ANNE!” Harry flinched when she shouted the last bit from across the room on her way to get the broom.

“Mum says hi back.” Harry called after her, probably giving the poor Anne tinnitus.

Louise was busy getting rid of the mess she made and humming One I’ve Been Missing from Little Mix to herself, so she only tuned in on Harry’s side of the conversation when she heard her exclaim:

“That’s brilliant, Mum. You always wanted to go. … No, no, no. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Maybe I’ll ask Gemma what her plans are… oh, okay, well I’ll be fine regardless. Please, don’t worry about me. Yes, of course I’ll tell you. … Yes. I love you too. Bye.”

  
  


“What’s up with the fam?”

Harry laughed. “Don’t talk like that. I know that you don’t talk like that.” Then she let out a cute little sigh wrinkling her nose. Louise couldn’t resist to kiss it and pulled her up from the floor to spin her around.

“What’s the matter love?” She hugged her tightly. “Is everyone alright?”

“Yeah. Yes, don’t worry. It’s just that I can’t spend Christmas with them.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, you know that Robin will be retiring after Christmas and as a thank you for his work his firm gifted him with a holiday in Australia over Christmas.”

“But that’s brilliant. Your mum wanted to go there for ages now.”

“Yeah, I know. And I’m really happy for them.” Harry rested her head on Louise’s shoulder, having to bend her knees a little bit due to their size difference. “But that also means that I’ll have to spend Christmas alone. Gemma is spending her first Christmas with her boyfriend’s family and I couldn’t possibly intrude.”

“That I do understand. However, I don’t understand how you could possibly think that I’ll let you spend Christmas alone. You’ll obviously spend it with me and the rest of the family. You better be prepared for the loudest, messiest, most chaotic Christmas ever.”

“What? But Lou they…” Harry hesitated, probably uncomfortable to touch the sensitive topic again so soon.

“They don’t know you’re my girlfriend? Yeah, I know, but you can just come as my friend and besides I will be coming out to them this Christmas anyway.” Louise tried to put on a casual façade, but her hands were getting sweaty and her heart was beating faster just thinking of her hands. It wasn’t all fear though, there was excitement, too, now that she had a bit of time to get used to the thought. She needn’t have bothered though because Harry saw right through her.

“Love, but that’s not because of our conversation a few weeks ago, right?”

“No, no, no. I mean that is what really got me thinking, but it’s for me. I don’t want to hide anymore. I need to. I just need to be 100% myself with them and I want them to know you as my wonderful, lovely, beautiful girlfriend that I love so very much.”

This time it was Harry that spun them around. “Oh, Lou. I’m so proud of you. I’ll be with you every step of the way of course. And if you decide differently, I’ll be there too. I can’t wait to spend my first Christmas with you.”

Louise laughed and kissed her and hugged her tightly. She really couldn’t believe her luck with this girl. “I can’t wait either.”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Hey, Mum.”

_“Hiya, Lou bear. How are you my love?”_

“I’m good. We put the Christmas decorations up yesterday. It’s looking proper Christmassy in our flat now. How are you and the little ones?”

_“We are all good too. Daisy’s got a boyfriend now and she really wants to spend Christmas with him, so he’ll come ‘round on Christmas Day in the afternoon. And then the others wanted to invite friends too, so it became a bit of a get together. I invited Greg for you. Met him at the supermarket the other day. You used to have crush on him, didn’t you? He got really handsome and he’s single. Might be your chance. I hope you don’t mind.”_

_“_ Mum, that was ages ago…”

_“Well, I’m sorry but I invited him now. And you don’t have to marry him right away just make nice, please.”_

“When am I ever not nice. Anyway, there was something I wanted to talk to you about. Would it be alright if Harry came with me for Christmas? Her family is spending the holidays elsewhere and I don’t want her to spend Christmas alone in the flat.”

_“Oh, of course not. The poor darling. Of course, she can celebrate with us.”_

“Thanks, Mum. She’ll be relieved to hear that.”

_“I’m glad. You’ll both be coming down on the 23 rd then?”_

“No, we’ll be coming down on the 24th. We both still got to work.”

_“Oh, alright. Do you want anything special for your birthday, love?”_

“No, Mum. Just want to see you guys. I miss you.”

_“We miss you, too. The girls asked me to give you their love.”_

“Please give them kisses and hugs from me. But now, tell me, who is that guy Daisy is dating? Is he…”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Louise nearly had a heart attack when she turned on the car. Nick Grimshaw’s voice was blasting out of the speakers on the highest volume possible.

“Christ, H, what the fuck were you listening to the last time you drove the car?” She hastily turned down the volume.

Harry stuck her head through the space between the headrests from the backseat where she was making sure the presents wouldn’t fall down during the drive.

“Well, you see, there was All I Want for Christmas on and it’s practically a crime not to sing along at the top of your lungs, isn’t it?” She pressed a quick kiss to Louise’s cheek and then ducked back to get out of the car.

“It surely is,” Louise said distractedly. She was busy opening Google maps to find the best way out of London without driving into too many road closures or abandoned construction sites.

When Harry finally got in after checking _again_ if they had everything, she pressed the phone in her hands, so she could start driving.

“Be a darling and text my mum that we’re starting now, alright?”

It was getting dark outside already. They had started later than they had had originally planned but they had avoided packing until the last minute which had resulted in both of them running heedlessly through the flat trying to get everything together. Then Harry had panicked about making a good first impression to Louise’s family and ‘Are you sure they will like their presents, Lou?’. Of course, they would. And ‘What if you mum doesn’t like me?’. That’s literally impossible. And ‘Do you think I look too much like a lesbian? I don’t want to come on too strong.’ Which, what the fuck? And _then_ Louise had panicked about coming out to her family. Which had ended in a pretty steamy kissing session which had let to an equally hot and really rushed round of orgasms. Louise was just thankful that they had had the foresight to wrap all of the presents the night before.

“Your mum says thanks for letting her know and drive safely,” said Harry when Louise was getting on the motorway.

“I always drive safely.” She spared a quick glance over to the passenger side where Harry’s face was illuminated in the light of her phone, her curls forming something of a halo around her face. A fond feeling was making itself known in Louise’s chest. God, but did she love her. The feeling was spreading like a warm wave through her body, making her shudder with it.

“You cold, Lou? I told you to put on that jumper over your shirt.” Harry reached over to turn up the heating. Then she attached the phone to the dashboard. Louise grabbed one of her hands.

“See, I’m not cold.” She didn’t have to look over to know that Harry was smiling at her fondly.

“Well, I’m glad. We can’t have you catching a cold on your birthday.” The last word was disrupted by a truly mighty yawn.

“Thanks.”

“What?”

“Thanks for not eating me.” She laughed. That earned her an elbow in the side. “OI! No, hitting the driver. Otherwise I’ll let you out right there at the next corner.”

“That would be a bit heartless on Christmas Eve, don’t you think?”

“Hitting the driver is a bad enough offence that it would be well deserved.”

“What, like teasing your navigator isn’t an offence.” Harry squawked in put upon indignation.

“You know I love your big mouth.” Louise grinned in the headlight blinding her.

“Yeah, that you do.” Harry lifted their joined hands up to press some wet, loving kisses to her fingertips.

“You can sleep if you want. It’s gonna be exhausting soon,” Louise advised but Harry just turned on the radio.

“Maybe later.” She jumped through several stations until she heard the first notes of Last Christmas. Louise moaned in despair.

“Not again,” she exclaimed but Harry simply turned up the volume and started to sing along.

After H had exhausted herself singing along to every Christmas song she could find, she did fall asleep. She didn’t even wake up when Louise pulled off of the motorway somewhere around Leicester to fill up on petrol. Her phone was promising her a bp not far off. There was no one else filling up on gas so she took the spot right in front of the shop. She quickly got her jacket out of the boot because Harry had been right. It was really freaking cold outside. Too cold to just be standing there in a shirt.

When she got into the shop a man in probably his thirties was standing behind the till. He greeted her with a halfway cheery “Merry Christmas”, clearly sick of the many times he probably had to say that today.

“Merry Christmas. I’d like to pay for the petrol, please.”

The man was telling her how much it was. But Louise wasn’t listening. Next to the vast variety of bubble gums in all colours of the rainbow was a bowl with miniature red Christmas hats that you could clip into your hair. On a whim she took two of them.

“I’ll take two of these, too.” The man sighed and tipped the price into the till. Louise wondered if he was in such a bad mood because he wanted to get back to his family or because he didn’t have anyone or because he hated Christmas. Louise was tempted to ask but in the end she simply payed and got back into the car that was thankfully still warm.

She shed her coat and threw it on the backseat in a way that Harry would have certainly complained about. She turned to the rear-view mirror and carefully put the tiny Christmas hat into her hair that she had put into a tight ponytail before they had left their flat. Then she turned to Harry who was sleeping with her mouth open, a little bit of spit dripping out of the corner, tiny snores leaving her nose. Louise felt simultaneously endeared and exasperated. She always told Harry to take her neck roll when they drove for more than an hour, but she had made a sport out of forgetting it, always having a crick in her neck when she woke up. Thankfully, though, she always slept like a stone in the car. Therefore, she didn’t wake up when Louise carefully took a strand of her hair and twisted it back, pinning it down with the clip of the Christmas head. Louise let out a giggle. Her girlfriend was adorable. She loved her so much. She got lost in the sight of her for a moment. Movement inside the shop made her look up. The guy behind the till had come up to look out of the window, likely wondering why it was taking her so long to drive away.

She quickly started the car and drove away. This time she was the one quietly humming along to all the Christmas songs.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The house was alight when Louise pulled into the driveway an hour and a half or so later. She leaned over to instinctively wake Harry up with a kiss and restrained herself in the last second thinking of the little noses pressed against the windows inside and the light that had turned on in the car when she had turned it off. She tried to swallow away the lump that seemed to have formed in her throat. This was going to be harder than she thought. Maybe she just should kiss Harry right now. Get it over with that way, but as soon as the thought had occurred to her she couldn’t seem to move.

She was saved from having to make a decision by Harry waking up. She stretched her arms and legs as much as was possible in the small car and then blearily blinked at her.

“Lou, we there?” Her voice was rough from sleep and the dry air in the car.

“Yes, love, just arrived.” Still half-asleep Harry leaned over to give her a kiss. Louise backed away automatically. Her thoughts from only a few minutes ago still in the front of her mind. Harry looked hurt for a moment and then sobered up.

“Right. That is going to take some getting used to.” Harry shook her head and then smiled at her.

Louise felt close to tears. “I’m so….”

“Don’t you dare apologise. Everything is going to be fine.” She wanted to say more, but in that moment the front door opened giving way to her mother and her siblings waiting for them. “Come on. Let’s do this.” Harry squeezed her hand and then got out of the car.

Inside the house they were both greeted with warm hugs and lots of wet kisses. Harry seemed relieved at the warm welcome and happily joined Louise’s family in the impromptu Happy Birthday they began singing. Louise just laughed self-consciously as one did in such a moment and clapped loudly once they were finished. She kneeled down again and pulled her two youngest siblings close to her chest breathing in the smell of baby that was barely clinging to them anymore. Ernie reached up to her head and gingerly touched her Christmas hat.

“Lou! You’re wearing a Christmas hat!”

“Yes! I am! Do you want to wear it?” Anticipating that the answer was yes, she took it out of her hair and clipped it in Ernie’s.

“Thanks, Lou.” He grinned happily showing off his baby teeth.

Doris leaned up to her ear and whispered shyly: “Can I have one too?”

“Maybe you can have Harry’s if you ask her nicely,” Louise said loudly looking up to where Harry was standing to find her already looking at her fondly. At Louise’s words she reached up to her hair, her mouth forming a silent ‘oh’ at what she found. Then she grinned her very best Harry smile, including dimples and eyes nearly closed in mirth.

Doris turned around and mumbled into her pullover.

“I don’t think Harry understood that, love.”

At that she repeated her request a bit louder. Harry hurriedly kneeled down next to her and pinned her own Christmas hat into Doris’ soft hair after she got her consent.

Louise was so happy she felt like she would burst with the tingly feeling under her skin. This was perhaps the happiest she had ever felt in her life. With everyone she loved around her. She really couldn’t be any happier. Well, there was one tiny thing that would complete the feeling of happiness, but it was still early into their visit. There was still time. Which was why she got up and exclaimed:

“So, where is the cake. You see, that’s the only reason I came.”

There was laughter all around and then she was quickly led into the kitchen where a big chocolate birthday cake was waiting for her.

Later, when they lay in her childhood bed, the guest mattress beside it untouched, they whispered so as not to wake the rest of the family.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it? They adore you.”

“No, it wasn’t. You have a wonderful family, Lou.” Harry snuggled even closer up to her, their noses nearly touching now. Louise had to nearly cross her eyes now to focus on Harry’s face. The only logical conclusion was therefore to do it on purpose and stick her tongue out to Harry.

“Lou,” she giggled. “Stop it.”

“Oh no! I can’t! What they said is true! Your eyes can get stuck like this,” she exclaimed dramatically. “Whatever shall we do!”

Harry just laughed and then kissed her right on the tip of her tongue that she had stuck out again after she had finished talking.

“Mmhh. Your lips still taste like chocolate cake. Didn’t you…” But she didn’t get to finish her sentence because now Harry was kissing her properly. Louise got lost in the feeling of their lips together and the hand sliding up and down her back (and then slowly down into her panties _I love your ass, Lou. Best Christmas present ever._ ) and their legs tangled together and the warmth under the blanket. At least until she heard giggling and shushing from the hallway.

She quickly drew away and made Harry get up and into her own bed. Not a moment too late because just as Harry had covered herself with the blanket there was knocking on the door.

“Can we come inside?”

“Yeah, sure. Come in, come in, girls.” Louise hated whisper-calling. The door opened to reveal Daisy and Phoebe in their pyjamas.

Phoebe swiftly proceeded through the room and jumped into Louise’s bed, getting under the blanket with her. Daisy closed the door and then stood in the room a bit lost as to where to go as there wasn’t anymore room in her sisters’ bed. They used to fit in it all three together, but the twins had grown a lot in the past year. Sometimes Louise couldn’t believe that those two girls were the babies her mum had brought home what felt only days ago.

Harry seized the initiative and held up her blanket.

“You can get in with me if you feel comfortable with that. No pressure though. I won’t feel offended if you don’t want to.”

But before Harry had even finished talking Daisy was already slipping underneath the blanket.

“Don’t be stupid. You’re practically family already. Lou talks about you _all_ the time.” She rolled her eyes.

“Daisy!” Louise whisper-called, her cheeks feeling as red as the Christmas hat she had had on earlier that day.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to call you stupid Harry, besides we already know that you’re _so smart_ and _so clever_.” She imitated Louis’ voice pretty accurately.

Then Phoebe chimed in as well: “And _so_ intelligent and _so_ pretty and _so_ kind and _so_ generous. Seriously Lou, if we didn’t know better, we would think you have a crush on her.”

“Do you know better though?” Her automatic response whenever the girls made assumptions had simply slipped out of her mouth unintentionally. She didn’t even consider the consequences.

Now both girls were sitting up in the respective beds and looking at her expectantly.

“Do you then?”

“Do I what?” Louise tried desperately to put on a casual demeanour, her whole body feeling stiff and heavy.

“Well, do you have crush on her?” Daisy interrupted her. “Wait, are you two together, like, in a relationship?” They both looked excited at the prospect or at having discovered a secret of their older sister. It could be either. Or both.

Louise looked at Harry who smiled at her encouragingly. “Yes. Yes, we are.” She let out a long breath. That hadn’t been as hard as she had thought it would be.

Suddenly all the air was pressed out of her lungs as her two younger sisters jumped on top of her trying to squeeze all the life out of her apparently. Phoebe signalled Harry to come join them.

“Come on. You actually are family now. Not that you weren’t before. The babies had adopted you before already.”

Harry joined them and hugged all of them together. “Guys, I can’t breathe.” But before anyone could move though, the bed made a terrifying sound and then they were all screaming and laughing way too loudly for the time of the night as her bed refused to hold all their weight any longer and dropped them to the floor.

“I told you, Pheebs. I told you.” They were still only catching their breath.

“Yeah, yeah. This isn’t about you though, Daisy. So, who knows?”

All the tension had left Louise’s body and she felt like she could breathe more freely. Even though it would be annoying to repair her bed in that moment she felt like it was totally worth for the break in tension and distraction it had provided.

“Just our friends in London.”

“And how long have you been together?”

“Nearly two years.”

“WHAT?!” Louise pressed a hand on each girls’ mouth to muffle the call.

“Girls, we are damn lucky that no one woke up from our screaming and laughing. Keep quiet, please.” Both girls nodded before Louise released them.

“Two years! That’s really long. I’ve only been in a relationship with Tom for two months.” Daisy wrinkled her brows.

“Well, you’re quite a bit younger, too.” That seemed to mollify her.

Phoebe suddenly perked up. “You do know that Mum wants to set you up with Greg tomorrow, right?”

“I feared as much.” She felt more than heard Harry giggle against her stomach.

“Aren’t you upset about that,” Daisy wondered.

“Nope. Not even a little bit. I know that he has no chance whatsoever with your sister.” Louise pulled her girlfriend up so that she could give her a peck on the lips.

“I love you.” “Love you, too.”

“Ugh, this is getting too sappy for me.” Phoebe started to extricate herself from their tangled mess of limbs. “Soon I’ll be the only one left who isn’t in a relationship.”

“There’s nothing wrong with waiting or not being in a relationship ever, love. Plus, you still have the babies.”

“Yes, that’s right. I’m getting tired though. Can’t be tired on Christmas Day.” She leaned down one more time to hug Louise tightly and pressed a wet kiss to her left cheek, Daisy mirroring her on the right.

“We love you, Lou.” They chimed it together. “Thanks for telling us. We won’t breathe a word about it to anyone. Promise” Daisy. “Yes. And we’ll help you tomorrow with Greg.” Phoebe. “Good night.” Daisy. “Happy Christmas” Phoebe. “And no loud sex!!” Daisy. They giggled all the way back to their room.

“You’ve got great sisters.” Harry smiled at her.

“Yeah, I know.”

“How do you feel?”

Louise thought about it for a moment. Then she answered honestly: “I’m feeling good.”

“I’m glad. That was really brave of you. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” Louise blushed again. Her blood was probably already confused about where it actually belonged.

They exchanged some more kisses and then moved to Harry’s mattress for the night. Louise fell asleep more quickly than she would have thought with everything still going through her head. But cuddled up next to Harry in her childhood bedroom, feeling loved and accepted and comfortable she was out like a light before Harry even started snoring.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Christmas Day was a whirlwind of excitement and presents and preparations and laughter and screaming and tears.

(And also, some explaining when her mum inquired why her bed was broken:

“Well, that bed saw some serious action last nights.” Phoebe raised her eyebrows suggestively and Daisy made kissy lips.

Louis just rolled her eyes at the obvious innuendo. “Those two buggers thought it was a grand idea to make a late-night puppy pile on my poor old bed.”)

Sooner than Louise would have liked the guests were arriving. It was nearly three pm, so they all gathered in the living room to watch the Queen’s Christmas Message. Her mother conveniently seated her next to Greg.

When Phoebe saw this, she simply sat down between them, earning herself some very communicative eye contact with their mother who couldn’t do anything about it as the speech was starting.

At the tea table her mum had conveniently placed little decorated name cards that put her next to Greg again and Harry across from her. Her girlfriend was immediately pulled into an animated conversation with Louise’s grandmother and her mother who was sitting on her other side pointedly turned away from her. Which meant that she didn’t have anyone to turn to when Greg started making small talk. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Greg, she simply didn’t want to give him even the slightest impression that she was interested in him the way her mother obviously wanted her to be.

“So, how have you been? You live in London, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like it there?”

“Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t still be there, would I?” That comment earned her her mother’s sharp elbow in the side who was apparently eavesdropping. Just perfect. Well, that had really been a bit rude, hadn’t it? She sighed. “Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to be rude. Just, always the same old questions on holidays, right?”

Greg seemed relieved and immediately launched into an excruciatingly detailed retelling of a conversation he had had the day before with an aunt. Louise snuck a glance over at Harry who was apparently holding back her laughter. Phoebe and Daisy were whispering together which always meant trouble.

Louise’s fear became reality moments later when they both stood up, effectively silencing everyone.

“We have something to tell you.”

“Yes. We want to quit school.”

“And become influencers.”

There was a deafening silence.

“What’s an influencer?” Dan’s father seemed confused.

Her mother seemed to barely be able to conceal her shock. “We’ll talk about this later, girls. Please sit down again.” Both girls obligingly sat down again and turned back to their cake as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Before everyone could go back to their conversations Louise seized the opportunity before she could think about it too much and cleared her throat, turning all the attention over to herself.

“I’ve got to tell you something, too.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re quitting, too?” Her mother let out a half terrified, half amused laughed.

“No. I…. I….”

Oh, god. She was gonna do it.

Just say it, Louise. They all love you; you know that. Just say it.

I am a lesbian.

It’s not that difficult.

Her breath was coming faster and suddenly her heart was beating really loudly and she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. She opened her mouth to say it, but nothing came out. She felt like she floated. Out of her body. Not quite connected anymore. Oh god, oh god, oh god. What was happening.

A hand on her leg brought her back to the here and now where everyone was staring at her. Waiting expectantly for what she had to say.

“Lou finally managed to keep her green lily alive for a few months.”

  
  
That was Harry. She faintly registered that everyone went back to talking. Making fun of her for her black thumb. Congratulating her. Louise tried to smile. But somehow that just made tears well up in her eyes.

“Sorry, sorry. Just. Toilet.” She jumped out of her chair, making for the stairs.

She didn’t remember getting up and into her room or sitting down on Harry’s mattress or Harry joining her and hugging her.

She only came back to herself when she breathed in the comforting smell of Harrys hair and startled when she realised it had been a sob. But by then she was full on crying.

“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. Why couldn’t I do it. Fuck. It was so easy yesterday and now.”

  
  
“Shh. Shh. It’s alright. It’s not easy. It is not an easy thing to do. And I’m very proud of you for trying and I love you very much, alright?! No matter what.”

“But it does matter. You’re my girlfriend and we can’t even be ourselves in my _family home_ just because I’m such a fucking disaster.”

“You’re not, alright? You’re not. It’s really fucking scary. I never told you this because I’m not very proud of this but after I came out to my mum I couldn’t even wait for her reaction because I had to run to the bathroom to throw up, I was so scared.”

What. That revelation shocked Louise out of her crying fit.

  
  
“Oh, love. You never told me this.”

“I know. I was ashamed. I…” There was knocking on her bedroom door and then her mum was poking her head in.

“Hey girls, I just wanted to check in to…” She broke off when she saw them cuddled together on the bed tears still running down her daughter’s cheeks. Louise quickly wiped her face with her hands.

“Oh, Lou Bear. What happened? What’s the matter?” Her mum rushed over and hugged her and Harry. One impossible to touch without the other tangled up as they were.

Louise hid her face in her mum’s neck. Her words came out a jumbled mess.

“M’les’ian.”

“What? Sorry, darling. I didn’t get that.” Her mum pulled back and stroked her hair out of her wet face.

“What I wanted to say. And I’m still me, you know. It’s just.” Her words didn’t make any sense, she was feeling **_sick_**. “Oh god. I’m a lesbian, Mum. I’m sorry.”

“Oh. Oh, darling. That’s nothing to be sorry for. I love you. _I’m_ sorry. That I put you through that today. I just didn’t know if I had known... I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t trust me. Was it something I did? Did I...?”

Suddenly Louis was angry. Really, really angry. Her stomach was boiling, and she felt like screaming. Which was probably why her next words came out louder than intended and her mum twitched away from her. Oh god, she was a horrible daughter.

_“This is not about you!!!”_

Harry squeezed her really tight. And that made her calm down. Because no matter what happened she still had Harry. Harry would have her back.

“Of, course. Of course. I’m so sorry. God, I’m making a mess out of this. Of course, this is about you. Thank you for telling me. I love you. I love you, alright? My baby.”

Her mum opened her arms for her, but she didn’t feel like leaving Harry s embrace, so she just grabbed her hands. That directed her mum’s look to Harry.

“And Harry is...?” Her mum clearly didn’t want to assume which made her feel conciliatory.

“Harry’s my girlfriend. And I love her very much.” Harry pressed a kiss against her cheek and whispered too quietly for her mum to hear: “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you for taking care of my baby, Harry. Sorry if I made a bad first impression.”

“You didn’t, promise.” Harry smiled at her mum.

“Does anyone else know, baby?” Louise leaned back against Harry more heavily.

“Just Daisy and Pheebs. They found out yesterday.”

“Alright, alright. I’m sure that’s the reason for the broken bed then?” Her mother grinned.

Louise let out a wet laugh. “Yes, they were quite insistent about making sure I felt loved.”

“And damn right they were. Do you want to tell the rest of the kids yourself or do you want me to do that?”

All of a sudden, her door burst open, revealing her siblings who had clearly been eavesdropping.

“You don’t need to, we already know. Sorry, Lou.” Lottie did look truly sorry. She wasn’t so sure about the rest of the gaggle though.

“Oh, come here you lot.” Louise opened her arms and her siblings immediately took her up on that offer mushing her into Harry and her mother who didn’t stand any chance against the combined force of the Tomlinson siblings and soon they were all lying on the floor and cuddled.

This Christmas really couldn’t have turned out more perfect.

When they left two days later everyone was reluctant to let them go. Hugging them again and again. Making promises to visit. Declared their love for each other.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Haz? Where are we going?” Louise looked at her girlfriend in confusion when she didn’t take the right that led to their flat.

The drive back to London had been quiet and calm. Harry had driven them all the way back, letting Louise catch up on the sleep she had lost during late—night conversations with her mother. They had been exhausting and emotional and very freeing. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders this Christmas.

“Well, you didn’t think those records were my only gift for you, right?”

“They were not?”

“Nope.” Harry grinned at her and squeezed her hand. “Though I do have to say this is a gift for the both of us.”

Everything became clear when they arrived at a dogs and cats shelter.

“Oh my god, you didn’t?” Louise couldn’t hold back her smile. They had been talking about getting a dog for a long time now, had already talked to some shelters, but hadn’t been able to find the right dog for them yet.

“Well, there is this little guy, well I say little, that seems to be just perfect for us. I talked to the staff and they agreed and if you like him, we can take him with us right now.”

Louise jumped out of the car. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

Harry just laughed and caught up with her, taking her hand. “His name is Clifford.”

A woman was waiting for them inside, a big black dog with a white chest sitting next to her. As soon as he saw them he jumped up and bounded in their direction, excitedly sniffing at their hands.

When Clifford jumped up at her and enthusiastically licked her face until she couldn’t stop laughing, Louise knew that she had lost her heart to him already.

“We’ll take him.”

“Yes?” Harry’s eyes were shining in excitement.

“Yes!” Louise hugged the lively dog to her chest.

The woman who had introduced them to Clifford seemed just as excited as they were.

“Brilliant. He’s the best. I would have taken him in, but I think my husband would have objected. We have three at home already.” She laughed.

“Well, come with me. I’ve got all the everything ready for you at the counter.” She gave Louise the lead and led them back through to the front engaging Harry in a lively conversation.

Harry payed and collected everything they needed and signed some papers. Louise leaned down to Clifford.

“You are the best boy. We’re going to get along great, aren’t we? I’m so lucky. I’ve got the best dog, the best girlfriend and the best family.” She pressed a kiss to the curly fur. There really wasn’t a better Christmas present.

Later, they were sitting on their couch with Clifford sprawled across their thighs. The lights from the Christmas tree gave the room a cosy feel to it. Harry was reading a book and Louise was scrolling through Instagram. Soft music was playing in the background. It was perfect. Louise remembered a few weeks ago when they were sitting just here, talking about coming out and families and Christmas and marriage. God, did she want to marry that girl. They had talked about it a few times already. Most of the time jokingly. Not always, though. They both knew that they wanted to get married and they both knew that they didn’t feel like they needed to rush it but also that they didn’t feel like they didn’t have to wait for anything. Then Louise thought of the ring she had seen in a second hand shop the other day that had reminded her of Harry and the she had bought impulsively even though it had been terribly overpriced.

And then she thought: Why not now? As soon as that thought had entered her mind she couldn’t think of anything else and before she even registered what she was doing she was getting up to get the ring out of their bedroom.

She barely heard Harry calling after her to bring the biscuits from the kitchen.

As soon as she had the ring in her hand, she went back to the living room.

“Did you find the biscuits, love?”

“No, no, I didn’t.” She went back to the couch where Harry had put away her book.

She took the opportunity and sat down on her girlfriend’s lap, knees on either side of her. Harry grabbed her arse to stabilise her. Or to feel her up. Who knew with this girl, honestly!

She pressed a quick kiss to her mouth.

“I love you Harry. I love you so much. And I know we talked about it a lot but never made it official. But this Christmas seems to be the time to let dreams come true.” She gestured to Clifford and then held up the ring right in front of Harry’s face. Her eyes grew twice their size. Certainly bigger than should be possible. “Therefore, I would like to ask you. Harry Styles, will you become my wife?”

Harry just sat there, her eyes as big as saucers. Looking from the ring to her face to the ring to her face.

“Lou, I… Oh my god, Lou! Of course! Yes! Yes, of course. I love you, too.” She laughed. “Oh, Lou. Best Christmas ever. Now put the ring on the finger.”

And a ring on the finger did she put. Once that evening and once more half a year later in a ridiculous castle with all of their friends and families to witness it.

♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Say hi on tumblr if you'd like I'm [justanotherghostblr](https://justanotherghostblr.tumblr.com/).
> 
> To read the other fabulous fics in the fest, please [click here!](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/1dchristmasfest2020)
> 
> See you tonight at Louis Live From London!


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